The Ultimate List of Claude

everything we love about OUR MAN: now at 100+ items! So far, thanks to Frollofreak (#s 75-94, and a few more), FLM, Masselin, Mephista, Minevera, Maleficent, and Covielle (who herself amassed 49+ items), and her friends Adrienne and Jacob. Send em in, FSMs!!


  1. He uses both his middle and index fingers together to point (historically correct, and elegant!)
  2. The way he falls the Archdeacon (oh, get over it, the old fartknocker had it coming)
  3. The way he RIDES his stallion Snowball, and spurs him as he chases Quasi�s mom. Ouch!
  4. The way he sings "Of use...to me" and looks at baby Quasi in that wicked way.
  5. That sizzlingly evil smile, seen when he says "I am your only friend". We�ve designated this expression "The Shark".
  6. The wicked, satisfied, self-pleased smirk he makes when he�s convinced Quasimodo to �stay in here�. The smirk is different from the smile. VERY different.
  7. He�s a priest: the unattainable is all the more desirable.
  8. Who else could wear a cassock and still look sexy?
  9. That tortured, "deer-in-headlights" look he gets when Esmeralda pulls his neck.
  10. The way he keeps that scarf right next to his collarbone and just *puulls* it out.
  11. He has a huge, empty gothic room with only a giant fireplace and a crucifix inside. LOTS of free space.
  12. The way he stands by his window in the evening. Mmmm.
  13. He doesn�t flip, dance, march, or hobble like OTHER characters: he *glides*, or he gets people to carry him places in an imposing carriage.
  14. Two words: THAT VOICE. Go TJ!
  15. Those *fiery* eyes.
  16. He�s so passionate; even if it�s directed in the wrong way.
  17. The set of his mouth when he enunciates the �N� of misshapen
  18. The way he bares his teeth when he twists Esme�s arm.
  19. "I�m just imagining a rope..."
  20. The way his sleeves overlap onto the back of his hands. Beautiful.
  21. His expression when he says, "Such a clever witch."
  22. He�s not some macho "no physical contact except in combat or with romantic interests" type: he puts his hand on Phoebus� shoulder (sinister shudder), strokes Quasimodo�s face and hair (purr), all manners of things with Esmeralda (double shudder-purr)
  23. The way he manages to chain, lock up, lock out, or otherwise restrain every other character not made of stone in the ENTIRE MOVIE. How�s that for power!
  24. The way he knocks the gargoyles right off (c�mon, they deserved it). "Can stone...*talk*?"
  25. His expression when Phoebus asks "What are we going to do about it, Sir?"
  26. The way he rubs the fingers of his left hand together when he says, "Look at that disgusting display." (Much better than, "Yes, Sir!!")
  27. "Burn it...until it smolders." And then he lights the house himself!!!
  28. The way he struggles against the flames as they try to pull him into the fire. (Fight, baby, fight!)
  29. The sinister laugh as he pulls himself up to say "and he shall smite the wicked..."
  30. How his ring and middle finger gather together while his small and index fingers spread out: how HOLY.
  31. He can say "the penalty for insubordination is death" as if he were talking about the weather. Practice makes perfect, no?
  32. The hat (which, by the way, is named a chaperon.) Classy, unusual, striking color scheme, the way the red cloth moves...
  33. The way he steeples his fingers.
  34. That holier-than-thou gaze.
  35. He treats everybody equally. They�re all damned.
  36. The way that his hair falls: it looks best when it�s messy.
  37. His dark streak makes him all the more attractive. Evil is so appealing.
  38. His sense of humor, when it surfaces, is black as night: "I�m sure you�ll...WHIP...my men into shape."
  39. That pulse of terror in his voice when he sings "God have mercy on ME!"
  40. Another scarf item: not only does he keep it by his collarbone, he twists it, clenches it in his fists, nuzzles it, and then catapults it into the fire.
  41. The way he pushes his hair back as he turns to face the guard mid-Hellfire. ("What??")
  42. His aristocratic underbite; very predatorial!
  43. The way his adam�s apple dips when he sings "Maria" the first time.
  44. That nonchalant but secretly guilty way he says "She ran, I pursued."
  45. That glazed over, certain expression he gets on his face when he sees the well...
  46. He doesn�t just want to be the King of (the sea, the pride, Agrabah, the kingdom in general, et cetera). Paris is HIS: he has other motives (see #101).
  47. That form-fitting white garment under the cassock. It just *curves* around his neck. Oooh.
  48. He's slender. Very slender.
  49. The way he collapses at the end of "Hellfire", face down, sleeves spread. Phew!
  50. That terrified look on his face when the "judges" appear in said song.
  51. He makes fabulous entrances EVERY TIME. ("Good morning, Quasimodo." "Nor would I!")
  52. Who else could teach the alphabet using dark, fundamentalist religious terms?
  53. He knows how to use that dagger.
  54. That beautiful, semi-religious sweep he makes with his hands as he says �This is your sanctuary�.
  55. Unlike SOME characters who gad about flaunting their hose, he gets a warm, classy set of robes (under which can be concealed endless useful things: scarves, knives, tupperware sets�)
  56. The way he says "And who knows? Our Lord works in mysterious ways." Frollo can work in mysterious ways ANY TIME He LIKES.
  57. The way he slams and locks the door, and then flies up those stairs to snuff Quasi. Intense intent.
  58. He�s apparently very physically able. He topples that huge table in the tower, he twists Esme�s arm (she isn�t a wimp: look at her fine work with Phoebus), he topples the Archdeacon and slams the door, he can hold on to Esme, suspended in midair, for quite some time, and THEN pull himself up onto a drainage pipe, slam a sword into stone and pull it out again without effort... Whoa!
  59. He never uses "magic": he uses more sophisticated means to do villainous deeds. No poison apples, spells, talking sidekicks, etc.
  60. "Then DRAG her onto the street at..."
  61. He knows the value of a good horse, regardless of whether there�s a Captain of the Guard on top. Go Snowball!
  62. Nobody stabs him with a sword, stuffs him in a lamp, or any such humiliating end. He plunges hundreds of feet off of a religious monument into a river of molten lead. Dramatic exit! (He�s not dead)
  63. How many people could get away with naming a child "half-formed?"
  64. He�s EDUCATED.
  65. He gets the best descriptions. Everybody else is just "gallant" or "beautiful" or "deformed". He gets "a figure whose clutches were iron as much as the bells of Notre Dame."
  66. The choir always sings Latin pertaining to him: "God have mercy when the Judge is come".
  67. The face! The whole face! The nose, the high cheekbones, the deep set eyes, the red mouth, the eyebrows! Don�t you people understand! He�s gorgeous!
  68. He doesn�t put the female lead in a bikini or something equally crude: he gives her a traditional white dress and a choice (albeit a rather limited one).
  69. The way he stabs the Esme figurine then slowly roasts it in the candleflame, when most likely he wants to put it on his mantelpiece.
  70. That whole collar: the point in the middle of his chest, the extended shoulderpieces that flare upwards. What fashion!
  71. The nasty way he says "Gypsies don�t do well behind stone walls." I�ll stay!
  72. The way his nose wrinkles and his eyes narrow when he says, "Bring these gypsy vermin to the Palace of Justice."
  73. The way he smacks the sign out of the way and makes this grunting noise as he chases Quasi's mom.
  74. How his voice dips into the basement when he says, "the belltower, perhaps."
  75. The way his eyes narrow and his mouth forms when he says "C" practicing the alphabet.
  76. Notice how the jaw clenches, the nose juts when Claude slams the book shut: "You said �festival�."
  77. How he clenches his teeth when he sings "You do not comprehend!"
  78. The way he looks when he greets Phoebus (strange but...good)
  79. He CRUSHES those annoying little ants and then SLAMS the stone tile on them.
  80. That scowl on his face after Esme gets away. Guess he didn�t enjoy himself.
  81. The expression on "such a clever witch."
  82. The expression as he says, immediately afterwards, "to cloud the mind with unholy thoughts..." (Claude isn�t innocent of that charge either *heh heh*)
  83. After the miller�s house incident, as he stands puzzling out how Esme got away. "I had the entire cathedral surrounded. There was no way she could have...unless..." you can almost see the wheels grinding overtime.
  84. The disheveled way he gets when he trashes Quasi. (No, this isn�t a happy scene, he just LOOKS great)
  85. The way he recomposes himself immediately, with a little cough. Ahem, well then...
  86. "The Court of Miracles is mine at last." The way he strolls in. Happy man!
  87. The way his profile looks as he strokes Esme�s cheek, saying, "he led me right to you, my dear," and then, "Look what else I�ve caught in my net..." this is the night of his life!
  88. His face in the "choose me" scene. He belongs on the cover of TIME.
  89. That expression when Quasi heaves the beam onto his carriage. Claude�s hat flies off, and he has this odd, almost �disappointed little boy� look; it�s almost like he was five years old and a favorite toy got smashed: "YOU BROKE MY WAGON!" Then, pow, he�s furious again.
  90. "Leaving so soon?" The way his hair blows...oooh...
  91. That sinister, sexy laugh at the end.
  92. the way his cloak flies out behind him as he rides Snowball.
  93. the way he whirls around when he says "I am a public official!"
  94. That "@#$#" expression on his face when the boiling lead comes pouring down from the cathedral.
  95. His vocabulary: "calumny and consternation" is not on any other character�s list. He uses his words so fluently, as well.
  96. That sarcastic way he says, "They call it the *snicker* �Court of Miracles�."
  97. He ages gracefully. 20 years and he�s aged 5!
  98. The way he can tirelessly chase down innocents over minor crimes, regardless of personal risk. He's DEDICATED.
  99. That outfit he wears while riding Snowball. *cold shower here*
  100. He's the only character without a cute sidekick! Quasi has the gargoyles, Esme has Djali "wonder goat", Phoebus has the humorously trained Achilles, and Clopin has that psychotic puppet-clone. Claude just has a big black horse that does nothing other than be a horse! That's style! That's subtlety!
  101. That inscrutable frown on his face as he gazes out at Paris...


Want to add on? Send your suggestions to Covielle, FSM #21.

Back to the Window

All materials copyright (c) their authors, 1998